part one

and i am humbled i feel small and plain he loves with rhythm and paints with flame he comes in pieces with no name.

Why do we make ourselves so impatient. We drive ourselves nuts over something that doesn't even belong to us a little bit. And the more distance there is the more questions appear....and thoughts fight eachother and pound at your skull yelling "let us out" but you don't respond because you can't even make out what they are trying to say. So the thoughts jump into the rest of your body and drive you nuts with feelings of endless anxiousness as they bounce from side to side, jump up and down and continue with their chanting. And then there's the other thing that is dancing in your heart that you don't want to calm down
because its what keeps tricking you to believe everything is going to work out- because why would they dance so freely and joyfully if they knew things wouldn't be ok. And you have to trust that your dancing heart knows much, much more than those pitiful chanting thoughts flailing around pretending they know better. But I can't take sides because I can't make a decision to save my life. And I just don't know better. For someone who can trust her instincts stronger than she can say what she wants in life....she's pretty stuck on this.

part two

the future is no place to place your better days.
You are great. And great seems pretty ordinary, but here, great is used as anything but. And can't help but wonder how much you know and what you do with what you know. Do you recycle? And if you do, do you separate the paper from the plastic from the aluminum from the garbage from the thoughts from the feelings from the friends from the lovers from what's left. Was that too much to ask too soon? Oh my gosh you don't even know what you don't even know! Ha. What would you say to it? Or not say. Just get out of the apt for a day and tell her what to do with these chanting thoughts and this jumping heart because they are getting louder and jumping higher and bouncing faster everyday. And secretly its pretty fun, but patience keeps guiding her to the finish line. And she's mad that the express train doesn't stop at every station. And she's glad it stops at the good ones. But she wants to change things up and doesn't know what's happening with you. She told me yesterday that she was scared it wouldn't be the right time. I smiled and told her to go read a book or listen to her ipod. we all know that time laughs at us everyday and always has the last word. She and Time are both stubborn and she knows she will never slip the last word in so she doesn't even think to try and challange him. Instead she fights her own battles with herself. She challanges herself to grow and learn and love and run and jump and trust that the net will show up somewhere during the downfall. And she knows that even if the net flakes on their stupid 8 o'clock movie plans, there is always a "worst that can happen" situation...and no matter what that is, she can get herself through it because she's a lot stronger than she tells herself. And as humble as she reminds herself to always be, she knows that in the end, everything will be ok, because if its not "its not the end." Ha! And that's pretty great. Great in the most uncommon way possible. She also recycles, sometimes separating everything, and she definitly thinks you're amazingly and un-ordinarily great.