d express

one can get a lot done during the columbus circle express stretch to the 125th street stop. and i was going to 145 (even better). if you close your eyes you get this really fun feeling of moving really fast knowing you're not going to get the sudden sway to one side anytime soon as you express pass. headphones in, eyes closed, backpack held tight, mind on- i couldn't help but remember some already read chapters of my life thus far. woah i'm so grateful for it all. i thought back to a time where there didn't seem to be any escape. where love had come and gone and had convinced me on her way out that she would never appear again. or maybe she tried to convince me otherwise and i only heard what i wanted. and i questioned everything. and that what i was feeling or thinking would never go away- that is just how it was and how it was going to be. or fast forward to a time where i was really being on my own. for the first time really. where i grew so much. where i learned so much. where i was surrounded by a whole new family of friends. and i couldn't get over the fact that i hadn't known them before. except for one of them- and he made me feel just enough home and familiarity that made everything ok as i started that journey. or rewind way back before love left to when she was there. and even before that. woah. quite a few chapters there. just joy. meeting best friends. learning how much was available to you in the world. open hearts, open minds, hard working, discovering, rolling down grassy hills, a pub with a history since the 60's, picking yourself up, letting yourself fall and getting through it all. rewind way back. to a time only me can understand in this life now. it reminds me how strong and lucky i am. these chapters are only part of the book- but i kept having the same thought on the d express. never ever ever in all these times could i or would i have imagined myself being where i am at this minute. location-wise, working hard-wise, enjoying life-wise, not taking anything for granted-wise....being surrounded by some of the most amazing and beautiful human beings i could have ever imagined. where did they come from?! i am inspired everyday. i am laughing harder than i can remember. i am here. and i am happy. and the more i close my eyes and let it all go- the more i am allowed to invite it all in....and it actually feels like it all wants to. and i welcome it all with open arms and gratitude. and am thankful for whoever keeps reminding me to let it all go to let it all in- and honestly making me do it. i can feel it happening. i dont know. i think i just want to hug the world.