geez the wheez!

OKAY. i get it. its actually geez lousie according to urbandictionary.com. and other people. but thats how i say it. so sue me. dont be mad. also, i bought chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzals at trader joes today. so dont be mad again. ok lets get serious. haha. i promise i can be serious sometimes. sometimes. its exciting to know you have been working towards thinking a certain way- and its effecting your actions and getting you to a place where you know its making a difference. i want to worry right now. i dont know what to say or if i am supposed to say anything. until i recognize worrying is only going to hurt myself. i can pretend i know better, or pretend i have some situation "figured out" (what a joke) or whatever. but in reality. not much belongs to me. except this moment. and maybe a little more. wait. i dont know. i think im making shit up. but DEF this moment is ours. and what a gift it is. it belongs to us. and it doesnt make us decide whats next. only asks that we believe in it now. and live in it now. but of course with its beauty comes the temptation to look far beyond it. to look to a place where we think we know better. but thats all the stuff we make up in our head. its the stuff that drives us crazy. SO CRAZY. right?! omg you guys. and im trying hard not to drive myself crazy. and take it all as it comes. and not believe in harsh false truths because they are exactly what they advertise themselves to be.

in the end we are all just people.
just beings.
who are trying to figure all this out.
and live. and love.
we have all hurt. we have all wished. and believed in things.
and wanted.
and we have all tried to figure it all out.
and we have all failed.
only to learn how we can pick ourselves back up.
and love harder.
and fail harder.
and be ok with that.

i cant wish anything but good upon you all. whoever you are. whatever you have done. whatever you may take. whatever you may want. whatever you may be. how can we control so much. isnt it pretty amazing to be in control of ourselves but be absolutely uncontrollable at the same time?? its so human. and truthful. one day i wont have to feel apologetic for some of my feelings. they are all justified because they are true. and here. and now. and i always want the best for people. i mean well. so im not sure why i feel like some of my feelings are wrong. but i see a change. i see myself understanding that they are what they are. and i shouldnt have to apologize for that. and i think everyone around me knows that. so its just a battle with myself. again. we kill ourselves! its hilarious! and amazing! and crazy. geez the wheez. dont be mad.