fearless flyer

"love, i get so lost sometimes. so much wasted, and this emptiness fills my heart. when i want to run away, i drive off in my car... but which ever way i go, i come back to the place you are."

you arn't looking for anything. you might secretly want something, but you allow other things to fill up your time and energy. then, without notice, what you wanted is yours, and you didnt even really know THATS what you wanted, but as soon as it was yours, you knew what the longing was all about. its no longer a confusion, but a clear picture playing in life, and you are a part of it.

then it goes away. and you do everything you can to find it. if you could, every tree, every branch, every post, every soul would be covered in wanted signs. but over the years of searching, you grow up and you learn that you found what you wanted when you wernt conducting a hunt every day for it. it just appears and catches you by surprise.

so you stop looking. and all of a sudden something comes your way ~

and immediately you ask is this it? is it finally here? but now all of a sudden new obstacles stand in your sight lines and you dont know how to deal with them. you cant get them to leave you alone, and you even take their side for everything while noticing they could be jeopardizing your happiness. confusion sets in and your little voice reminds you how you are an adult. you tell the little voice youre not good at being an adult. so, sorry. but then one night, it is all stripped down and you are able to blind the obstacles, you allow yourself to let go, just to SEE if you can. and there it is. you see it can work. but after the test run, the obstacles run up to you and are ready for a challenge. is this how it will be for the rest of existence on earth? or is this just how it is? am i not being patient enough?

or am i not allowing myself to fly....

i wait for a time when i am fearless and able to love with my whole being. i hope its soon.

"without a noise, without my pride, i reach out from the inside...."