the good and the bad

i am completely blown away to discover how similar the actions are that happen with amazing news and with devastating news. but the feeling is totally the same and totally different at the same time.

so say im in the gap and my agent calls and tells me i got some amazing contract. we talk and talk and hang up the phone. i can barely contain myself and cant call mom and dad quickly enough. and as the phone rings i scream inside myself "please be there please be there please pick up ahhhhh pick up the phone!!!!!" and when dad isnt there i call mom's cell. and when mom isnt there i call dad's cell. my minds about to explode. and when they answer i cant tell them the news quick enough.

lets say i hear news of a death (god forbid). totally unexpected. i read it. and dont believe it. but when i call the person to see if they are alive it goes straight to voicemail. i can barely contain myself and cant call mom and dad quickly enough. and as the phone rings i scream inside myself "please be there please be there please pick up ahhhhh pick up the phone!!!!!" and when dad isnt there i call mom's cell. and when mom isnt there i call dad's cell. my minds about to explode. and when they answer i cant tell them the news quick enough.

one is pure joy and excitement. one is pure disbelief and complete sorrow. yet they both move me to make the same action. is that weird? maybe its unexpectedness of both that cause that. huh.

either way. shes alive. im alive. so alive. maybe even more alive than yesterday morning. and i guess thats the only way to live this life we've been given. i mean theres not even really time for guessing. just living.