a little on love.

ah, love. she really is everywhere. i am so grateful to be able to give her. i can't understand the lovely places she shows her face. i have been shown a love in all my life that is unlike anything. it can never be taken away. it's when you don't expect her. thats the kicker. when she has become a part of you in a different way than you know. or knew. or thought. ohhhhh. wait. THAT'S her?! yup. THAT WAS HER?! yup. surprise! she snuck right in there. ha. and that's what all the pushing and pulling is for. that's why you are willing to do almost anything. but just because she has found her way into your spirit doesn't always mean it will play out like it has before. it doesn't mean she is in everyone's spirit the same way. she effects people in different ways. people understand her differently- at different times, places, people. i didn't even realize she was recently here until she found a way to make me turn right around and look at myself. into myself. and to see that love exposed me to another love that had been living there for a few months. mind you it was temporary. she just needed a sublet. which isn't to say she disappears...she just shows me a new understanding of herself. and its pretty amazing."don't let them rob you of your grace/ love is all over the place/ there's nothing wrong with your face/ love is all over the place/ there's nothing wrong with your face..." and you know, maybe part of being at peace is understanding this realization isn't a bad thing. love. it is as it is. we dress it up with emotions and descriptions and words. to help us cope. because we only want to understand. we only want to allow her in. we want to make it right. make her right. love just lives. that's all she does. love just IS. and thats beautiful because ~ we are lucky if, even for a moment, we feel her dance inside of us.

a little on now.

we keep moving through all the everythings. once we decide we arn't reversing: time, age, memories, what was... we learn to only fully move in the only direction available to us. and once we get enough forward momentum there isn't energy left to give to what was. could have been. should have been. living in all that lets you pass by all the now. like the long beach to jfk jetblue direct flight. you're in california and somehow five hours later you're across the country. but to think what you flew over in those 5 hours. how many peoples lives were going on just underneath you. many people were probably born. someone had a fight. someone made up. lives probably changed in some state. someone was probably moving. someone probably adopted a dog. granted you are not directly involved with all these events, or maybe you are, but things are always going on. in everyones lives. to live in yesterday, to live in last month, last year...allows you to not live in this day, this hour, this second.