let go

really? almost an entire month has gone by? i dont understand. but it gives me hope that i can handle the next month. not handle- love and enjoy and LIVE in it. every second. but i know something that is going to be missed....in the next month. or two. or who knows. its the who knows that gets me. i want to know. and i dont want to know. and then i am reminded....by the wisest people i know of fluctuation. and maybe that is just a word we use as a place holder or an excuse. cause the truth is- what the eff do we actually know??? i am pretty convinced its not much. and that is so beautiful in its way. he said. she said. you said. they said. you think. they think. she thinks... all different. so what do we KNOW. not much. cause even at the source...they admit they dont know. so everything else is just a complete disaster. haha. and so are you. and we want an answer. we want to hear what we want to hear- and when we dont know what we want to hear or what we want we fish around for something that feels right. or fills something. or makes us feel something. i cant wait for a time when it all matches up. or maybe that never happens. maybe you have to just decide something feels right and no matter what go for it- believing whats meant to be just happens. which i do. and it does. no matter WHAT. having faith in that is the one of the most powerful things i have ever seen. or believed. or felt. but i believe in love. i believe in what i feel. i believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and trusting their word- even when sometimes it makes you crazy. or something... it makes you feel something... sometimes your stomach churns...in the best way possible. sometimes you cry. sometimes you laugh- and believe in your power again. sometimes you fall hard. and all of these things happen almost at the same time. all because you dont know. whats to be. what is really going on... you stop believing for a minute that you dont get to call the shots all the time. and that throws you further down. and then you begin to feel and hear wisdom and love...and you find your power again. you dont loose any of the love in doing so...but instead of keeping yourself down- you learn to love in a new way. you love so much...you let go...to let love in.

"its only love that gets you through"

its a situation you feel like you have been in before but its just slightly different as situations usually are as you recognize them throughout the life. and you reflect, realizing you must have learned from it last time....but confused as to how to deal with it this time. do the little things make that much of a difference that you can't figure out how to deal? or do you care more this time than the last? the more i understand its other peoples feelings on the line, more than mine, and care that it is more than mine...the more careful i seem to be. i think we scare ourselves by caring more than we intended. or maybe we always wanted to care this much but tried to intend on not caring so much because we were scared of what that meant. and its not even that deep. its just the constant questioning. and realizing not everyone is on your side. whatever that means to you. but in the end...you know, deep in your gut... nothing blocks whats meant to be. whatever that outcome is. whatever goes along with it. there is no denying it. no matter what people tell you. or tells another. they can make you try and see its not meant to be. or that it absolutely is. in the end...and this is both scary and beautiful... it really does not matter. they dont have that power. no one does. whatever is meant to be just finds its way. and will be. however and whatever that means. so to give attention to the undeniable who believes they are the most powerful is a waste of time. "its only love that gets you through." and it only reminds me how true that is. why wish anything less than love for anyone. truly. sit with that thought. talk yourself in or out of it. but really. why not just love. and wish love. and spread love. and be love. knowing how powerful that is. and amazing. and real. and beautiful. what in the world do we really know anyway. except to love. i beg it of you. "its only love that gets you through." i really beg it of you.