let go

really? almost an entire month has gone by? i dont understand. but it gives me hope that i can handle the next month. not handle- love and enjoy and LIVE in it. every second. but i know something that is going to be missed....in the next month. or two. or who knows. its the who knows that gets me. i want to know. and i dont want to know. and then i am reminded....by the wisest people i know of fluctuation. and maybe that is just a word we use as a place holder or an excuse. cause the truth is- what the eff do we actually know??? i am pretty convinced its not much. and that is so beautiful in its way. he said. she said. you said. they said. you think. they think. she thinks... all different. so what do we KNOW. not much. cause even at the source...they admit they dont know. so everything else is just a complete disaster. haha. and so are you. and we want an answer. we want to hear what we want to hear- and when we dont know what we want to hear or what we want we fish around for something that feels right. or fills something. or makes us feel something. i cant wait for a time when it all matches up. or maybe that never happens. maybe you have to just decide something feels right and no matter what go for it- believing whats meant to be just happens. which i do. and it does. no matter WHAT. having faith in that is the one of the most powerful things i have ever seen. or believed. or felt. but i believe in love. i believe in what i feel. i believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and trusting their word- even when sometimes it makes you crazy. or something... it makes you feel something... sometimes your stomach churns...in the best way possible. sometimes you cry. sometimes you laugh- and believe in your power again. sometimes you fall hard. and all of these things happen almost at the same time. all because you dont know. whats to be. what is really going on... you stop believing for a minute that you dont get to call the shots all the time. and that throws you further down. and then you begin to feel and hear wisdom and love...and you find your power again. you dont loose any of the love in doing so...but instead of keeping yourself down- you learn to love in a new way. you love so much...you let go...to let love in.