la familia

la familia
we are in a constant battle of being what we think we need to be. and with what we think we are. and with what we think we should be. or could be. or with what we are not. and what we were but arnt really anymore. and through all of the time with our thoughts... they support us more than we could ever get a grasp on. unconditional love. even when we dont believe it. or think about it. someone is always on our side. rooting for us. living through our ups and downs from across the country. wanting us to succeed more than we know. whenever we feel joyful, its possible that it comes from the people thinking good thoughts about us all the time. our family, some love, some dont. they are a part of us. they are my heart. they are a part of me that lives so strongly and beautifully and that i can never let go of. i owe it all to them. i could cry with gratefulness for them. they are the most beautiful spirit i know. and i always feel them with me. i want them always there. i get excited for things that go my way... but as soon as they appear, i think of my family. and how when i am happy i wish that for them. when i take off in a plane... i use the quick runway time to thank the universe for everything and ask to get me to point b safely. always immediately after that i ask for the health and happiness of my family. they will always be my heart. they will always be the first ones i call. i will always feel them with me. i will always be inspired by them. i will always long for them. i know its different for everyone. but until the day i die i will live for my family. the strength they have taught me. the goodness they have given me. the goodness they have taught me to live on forever. i only hope to spread their goodness in the world a little bit at a time. i am their number one fan. i would hug them 24 hours a day if i could. their love is the most special i have known. i cant even put a word to it. all i know for sure nowadays is a few things i learned from them. be kind. work hard. do what you love. love. just love. be grateful. and i am. i try. i do. all of these things. thank you. from the whole of my heart. this world means a lot to me. but means the world to me because of you. i wish i knew what to do to make you understand. you are my heart. you live fully with me everyday. im lost a lot of the time. but the thought of you always makes it ok. i talk a lot. i listen hard. i love hard. i work hard. im hard on myself. the world can be hard on me but i secretly dont mind. i know its always temporary. i try to understand. i’m often lost. and found. just to find myself...lost again. and im ok with that. so much LOVE always. why not? love hard. harder. hardest. i hope i make you as proud, everyday, as you make me. i wish you could understand my gratefulness. thank you. thank you. i love you.